It is easy to criticize one’s self-being in the current era of constant bombardment by social media posts of influencers enticing you to try their zero-calorie lollipops to celebrities taking their fourth trip across the world in February. You can even see this on your own social media feed of your friends’ celebrating a pregnancy, a promotion, or getting married. It feels like there are consistently good things happening to people you know, and not to you.
This constant state of trying to see how you compare to the Jones’ is exhausting and depressive as one can feel left out of the blessings the universe seems to give to others. The hardest aspect of this is people begin feeling behind the learning curve or start to feel a sense of failing at success. In reality, everyone on your feed is feeling the exact same way.
The reason we feel that we must place ourselves in a ranking system is a psychological theory of Social Comparison. You can blame Dr. Leon Festinger for creating the theory in 1951 (Wheeler 1991). Social Comparison Theory is a psychological term based upon our innate need to create a social hierarchy between one another. As Dr. Willis explains, there are three types of social comparison; upward, downward, and lateral (1991). Upward comparison is when we look at others who we perceive as having more. The comparison can be focusing on how this person has more wealth, knowledge, power, and attractiveness than the other. Upward comparison can lead to guilt, shame, and embarrassment due to feeling inadequate compared to the other. The downward comparison is vice-versa as we see ourselves better than someone else; this is also problematic because everyone is equal, and this ideology does not spread compassion to those who genuinely need it. Lateral comparison is seeing yourself as “close” enough to another individual, so you have a frame of reference. They can be your friend or peer who is in the same demographic and has had a similar upbringing.
Social Comparison Theory becomes detrimental when the focus is on the upward comparison. Upward comparison quickly starts as a quantitative analysis of objects into a personal attack on one’s self, which slowly deteriorates one’s self-esteem. Like on a scale, you begin to balance what they have over you. If you do not have the best self-esteem on that particular day, you will feel like you never even up with your competitor.
The Culture of Comparison | Bea Arthur | TEDxWakeForestU Video
As stated previously, the influencers and celebrities that are on your social media feed do not entirely help. Science supports this notion in a study by Dr. Vogel et al. (2004), they studied undergraduate college students who were avid social media users. The hypothesis was that social media is associated with negative self-esteem and it was proven correct as a portion of the students surveyed had a negative conception of their self-worth, which directly compared to the amount of time on social media. The students contrasted their current situation to how celebrities appeared to be living on their social media feed.
This Contrast Effect is a term within the Social Comparison Theory; it relates information into one’s psyche and self-esteem from the imaginary scale that has been created. Contrast Effect is a silly term as it is entirely flexible on the situation that it is based on. The Effect is not based upon concrete facts but, moreover, a general perception of the world. Contrast Effect is incredibly flippant as it is based upon whether your needs had been met for the day and your over-all interpretation of your self-worth. Perception can change dependent on the frame of reference. For example, to an adult human, a five-year-old would be considered as small and non-threatening, but to a grasshopper, a five-year-old is a giant, and the grasshopper is at threat of being squished.
Our perception of the world around us is our reality and truth. Perception is based upon our five senses, but it can be molded into what you want as your reality. If your perception at the current moment is no one is going to love me, then you will be focusing on this idea that no one will ever love you and anything to support this perception will make it your truth. If instead, you were able to see how many people loved you, you would find your family celebrating who you are or the stranger you always stand next to on the bus would miss you if you were gone. What you think about the most is what you will see most clearly within your life.
While we have been more negative towards upward comparison, the comparison does come with benefits. Upward comparison can be a motivator if you see one of your peers or role models accomplishing a goal. If you do not have the intrinsic motivation yet, you can achieve your goal by focusing and working towards what the other has done. The idea of “if they can do it, so can I!” This statement is called the assimilation effect. Dr. Sherif, Dr. Taub, and Dr. Hovland explain the more closely we relate to the favorable stimuli, the more likely we will take action to pursue it. With this being said, life is all about our perception and creating our reality; if we perceive we can accomplish this goal, then this is the first step in accomplishing it.
Your identity is to be treasured as you are one hundred percent unique; there is no need to compare yourself with celebrities, influencers, or the jock who bullied you in middle school. You are the only “you” in existence who has walked this earth. Your uniqueness is created from your upbringing, competing in every junior league sports team you have been on, every word you have read, and every song you have sung. You are a culmination of all your favorite authors, musicians, memories, and family. You are incredibly unique, and there is no possible way to compare someone to you as there has never been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.
Continue to create positive change in your way. If you still feel guilty that you are not doing as well as your peers, just remember everyone feels this way too, and you are not alone. Just because our heads are playing tricks on us, does not mean that you are less-than others.
References
Sherif, M., Taub, D., & Hovland, C. I. (1958). Assimilation and contrast effects of anchoring stimuli on judgments. Journal of experimental psychology, 55(2), 150.
Taylor, S. E., & Lobel, M. (1989). Social comparison activity under threat: Downward evaluation and upward contacts. Psychological Review, 96(4), 569.
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206.
Wheeler, L. (1991). A brief history of social comparison theory. In J. Suls & T. A. Wills (Eds.), Social comparison: Contemporary theory and research (p. 3–21). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Wills, T. A. (1991). Similarity and self-esteem in downward comparison. In J. Suls & T. A. Wills (Eds.), Social comparison: Contemporary theory and research (p. 51–78). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
